Chilcompton Slimming World consultant on why men find it difficult to open up
By Tim Lethaby
16th Jul 2021 | Local News
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Taking their own lives is the number one killer of men aged 45 and under.
In an effort to understand a little more about the specific mental health problems some men have, Paul Smith, who has overcome his own personal issues and now works as a Slimming World consultant in Chilcompton and Evercreech, offers some thoughts.
It is quite unusual in itself to have a man in the role, a sign perhaps of how difficult men do find it to seek out help?
This is what 50-year-old Paul, who has been a consultant for the last six years and also develops teams for the company, told Wells Nub News.
You are a man in typically woman's world, what brought you to Slimming World?
After losing a considerable amount of weight at a local Slimming World group and subsequently gaining more confidence in myself, I wanted the chance to help more people transform their lives with weight loss and body image issues.
I remember a manager at my previous job where I was a supervisor saying that: "Now you have lost weight, people will have more respect for you."
It was that moment I knew I had to move on. People respected me because I was good at my job, was fair, polite, approachable and understanding; losing weight may have changed my appearance and confidence level but I was still the same person.
It certainly bought it home to me that his thinking was part of the problem with society. That judging people by looks rather than ability, reinforces body confidence issues and mental health issues.
It is the thin edge of the wedge and we know it's a huge issue with women, but it's equally as big an issue for men.
So I worked towards making Slimming World my main job, left a career after 34 years and have never looked back.
How rare is it that you have men in the company?
It is becoming much more common to find men, not only in our groups, but also in the role of consultant.
It would be fair to say they are still in the minority, but it is an ever growing number and one I am sure will continue to grow.
And could you give me some idea of how many men come to your local groups?
There would be about 30 to 50 men in the groups local to this area I would imagine, tracking is hard in this coronavirus world we are living in.
How much courage does it take for men to open up to vulnerabilities?
It's so important for men to reach out for help and support, bottling everything up and keeping it all under wraps, even at times with our closest loved ones, does us no good.
Men have body image issues, health and financial issues add to this, and at times not expressing how we feel can cause mental health issues.
Issues only get worse as we can't share to help release any burden. It all seems to multiply in a big way and at times gets out of hand to the extent that it can change who we are, but a safe and non-judgmental environment is essential for this to happen.
How important is it for men to learn to open up?
We need to make sure that as men we can express our feelings as openly as women can, but the key really is to make sure that this is not seen as a weakness, but as an inner strength that makes us better people to be around.
There's no room for judgment from anyone, and we need to make sure that all men know this. We need to see opening up as an achievement, not as a weakness.
Are there specific things you do in your classes for men?
In my Slimming World groups it's this total trust and openness from the whole group that makes the difference.
It starts by letting the chaps know that they can say what they want, with no judgment, so we can get plans in to get what they need to change. It's letting the women know that as men we really do have the same hang ups.
We really are not that different at all. It is just that we're not used to expressing it and more importantly being allowed to express it.
It's amazing how the dynamic of a group changes with the women once they understand this, and I think it makes them more aware with loved ones that a new level of openness is needed for all concerned.
It takes a while for us guys to feel safe enough in our Slimming World group to open up, but once we do it's amazing.
If we can get our weight and body confidence issues under control it's a huge way towards better mental health, and because we have learnt new grooves, it gives us the confidence to open up about other issues and ask for help.
I'm lucky to be able to help and support a high number of chaps at my Chilcompton group, mainly because having a male consultant seems to make it easier for them to walk in the door, they have bought friends along and spread the word about how amazing it all is and what they get out of it.
I'm lucky to see the changes on a week to week basis. It's all down to a trusting environment with no judgment.
If we all understood this we would be in a much better place. Like I said, it's getting better, but it's still got a way to go and I'm glad to be playing my little part in it.
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